There are many school of thoughts on marriage. Some say that you should become half of yourself and take the other half from your spouse and blend into one. For some, this might work, for others, and I think I’m in this camp, this will not. I discovered a different school of thought today.
Be YourselfYou should stay who you are. You should be yourself. You should be authentic. That’s the only way you’re going to be happy. In essence, this is a “1 + 1 = 1” type of school. I agree with this type of thinking.
Where did I learn about this? While listening to Shut Up And Stop Whining. It’s a “in your face” type of book, filled with many good suggestions and thoughts. I like it.
But how would that work? The way it’s going to work is while still being yourself, you find some common set of things that you and your spouse love. You do those things together. You concentrate on them while you’re together. What if you don’t have or cannot find anything in common? Then find somebody else! (He gives a lot of these types of advices in the book.)
ArguingAll couples argue. If you don’t, then you’re boring. I agree. There are times where we don’t argue, but there are times of where we have a “heated” discussion. In that discussion, at times we concentrate on the wrong thing, on cheap shots. What are cheap shots? Concentrating on somebody or bad thing about your spouse. “Because you are….” The author of the book gives great advice: It’s good to argue but always concentrate on the thing not on the person. That’s great advice. Don’t use cheap shots, convince your spouse with solid arguments based on the facts that pertain to the thing you’re discussing.
ReferenceShut Up and Stop Whining