I am sometimes struggling to speak up. I am struggling to really raise my voice. Sometimes I have stuff to say but I just hide it. Well, not really hide it but I don’t really want to be rude and interrupt people. As a result, I don’t get to talk that much. And when I do get a chance, I speak fast and I feel some pressure. When I am speaking to other people, I don’t really maintain my eye contact well. The bottom line, it’s not really what I call being a good communicator. I noticed as well that I am afraid to ask if I am not sure about something. I don’t like the fact that people might think I’m slow or stupid.
I should be honest. If I’m going to continue like this, I’m not really going to get far. I can still be a programmer, but if I don’t find a way to be more outspoken, to be more agressive, I might be stuck in this position forever.
I don’t think I want that. And that means that I have to try to find ways to talk to more people. I just cannot shy away. I am sort of stuck thinking just about myself.
Just today, I got asked by Kathy if I have lunch and if want to go down to get something. I declined. Why? Not sure. It was just a reaction, I think. Or was I scared? I think it was the latter.