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We had a all-hands meeting today in White Plains, NY. The meeting started at 9:30 and I came in at 10 (my usual time). Overall, it was a good meeting, with good energy. One of the things that was unveiled today was a major restructing. The company is not going to pursue the portal business anymore. They say it was not a growth business. They want to pursue the FWP business, which they say that it is more profitable.
What do I take away from this. I don’t have a good feeling about this. This will combine the whole team, but it is going to make it even more unmanageable. My plans for becoming a manager received a setback, I think, as well. The fundamental question for me, though, am I feeling good about the company. Does the company have bright future. I don’t see it very rosy at this moment. I don’t think it’s a good situation. We’ll see. I’m giving myself couple more months, to the summer and I’ll evaluate the situation then.
Hopefully things will improve. That’s what I’m hoping at least. But I should not expect too much. I’m hoping that I get to do several more projects. They’re not going to fire people, I don’t think, so that’s a good thing.

I find that one of my sites, kacwin.com, gets more and more visits. It’s great. It’s something that I am contributing for the community. I think it is helping it grow. Actually, when I look at the stats 1900 unique visitors in one of the summer months visited the site! That’s great. This month might also be a good (maybe even record breaking) month.
One of the things that I have to do is make updates to the site. Right now, I have the material. One is a disk from Wojcik. The other is a site I discovered today, about the different waterfalls in Kacwin. This is great stuff.
I love to contribute. I love helping people. I love giving back. As I said before, when I make enought money, I might start giving away my time for free. I thought I could do it in Kacwin, where I would teach kids for free. It might not be the safest place to be, and I’m not sure if I want to go there, but it’s something that I would like to do.

I finally started working on the messaging system. Once I start doing it, I think I should gain enough momentum to finish it. To be clear, I’m working on the design doc right now.
From the changes that I made to my daily routine, the one that I like the most is waking up at 6AM, reading technical books for an hour, and then reading some other material until I go to work. This gives me time for myself. I usually have enough energy to read for an hour. This was not the case before. I tried reading at night, but a lot of times I was tired. Or distracted. Reading in the morning, I don’t have any of that.
Money. One of the things I am considering, since I do seem to be developing overspending, is taking the credit card away from Marta and start giving her cash, $150 to start with, or $200 if that is not enough. This will make things easier and she would have to cut her spending. This, $800 dollars a month, I should probably be OK with additional $1000. Something to consider anyway if things don’t improve.

A day like today, even though it goes smoothly, is a waste. I had good intentions. I wanted to learn something new. I wanted to put the knowledge of the Broker pattern into code. I failed. Why is that?
First, on my current project, I am still waiting for my manager’s reply. He promised to do it couple of days ago. No reply yet. I cannot wait forever. I have to start attacking the issue right away.
The second problem is that when I come to work and start on a wrong note, meaning when I read a lot, it is harder for me to start doing actual work. It just happens like that. I cannot concentrate on what I need to do.
But these are just excuses. The bottom line, when I want to do something, I do it. Whether I like it or not. I cannot look for excuses.
I want to put the Broker pattern into code. I should just do it. I want to start writing and thinking about the messaging system, I should just do it.
This inactivity. This checking the internet all the time is just not going to make me a better developer. It’s not going to help advance my career. That’s for sure.
On the positive side, I did think a lot about design, about design patterns. That’s the good part.

I had a good discussion with Chris today. We talked about my goals, about my situation and about how he’s doing. This was overall a good discussion. I think I did good. I had a decent eye contact but I think I need to improve it. I need to improve my eye contact. I need to be happy when I talk to people. I need to be relaxed. Just like when I’m giving a speech. Hey, I know what I’m doing. Just relax, Stanley, you’ll do OK.
I told Chris that I want to move away from search. I told him that I like to build stuff from scratch. It’s something that I interests me.
He did point an interesting point. The side projects could come from me and from others. If I can think of something, I can just let him know and he will probably say that I can do it.
I told Chris that I want to become a manager. It’s a possiblity. He did not rule out that. But he did not give me a clear indication whether it is possible. It’s something that I have to remind him.
I told him that we need more feedback from him. Before a project, have a little one on one with us. Have it after the project as well. Tell us what we did right. Tell us what we need improved.
Lunch. I told him that we should go out every month. He said that he does not think it’s possible with a limited budget. I disagreed. I think if we had lunch every month, it would be a nice thing. I think it’s something that would make us better and would want us stick more. But, hey, it’s his decision.
I told him that he needs to be a motivator. He said it is hard since he does not always think that we are doing a good job. Hey, you have to find the small things that you like and do that.
I am going to meet with Chris and talk about my performance, his performance, more often.
What did I take away from all of this? I told him my goals, both short and long term. I told him what he can improve. We had a good discussion.
I have to meet him more often. I’ll schedule a reminder for myself every 3 months.

I am still being relatively shy. I need to be bolder. Raising my voice in a bigger environment is still a fear for me. What do I do? I should attack the fear! I like attacking my fears every day. It’s one of my goals, actually. It is something that makes me a better person. It also makes my life more interesting, and challenging.
I was going to go over my goals with my manager today. He had a rough day. It’s not a problem. For a while I felt left out. But he told me he’s going to do it with me tomorrow. Not a problem.
Fabian was crying a lot today, requiring a lot of attention. For the past two days he’s been perfect. But then there are days like today. What are you going to do. Overall, though, he’s getting better. He sleeps more. He is curious more. Oh, man, I was playing with him in the morning. I love that. He smiles so much. He even makes noises now when he smiles. He’s two months and he can do more and more. A great feeling when he does that.

Not sure what happened, but things at last seem to be “correcting” at work. My manager came up to me and he said that he wants to hear my objectives, things I would want to work on, and also to comment on his performance, things that he is doing right, and things that he can improve.
Well, that’s what I want. I think one of the most important things is to hear your workers. We want to be heard. Everyone wants to feel appreciated. Everyone has some input to give.
I am finally going to tell him that I want to become a manager. I wonder how he’s going to react. I want to tell him that I would like to move out from search, or at least be on search on a rotating basis, for a few months, and then move out. And so on. I want to be on different projects.
What do I think he can change? I think we can definitely need more feedback. Before every project, have a little one on one. Encourage each one of us. Tell us what we did good on the last project. Tell us what you expect from this project. Do the same, after each project. Don’t be shy. Always tell, I think you can improve upon this… this could have been done better, etc.
Lunch. We went out for lunch. That was nice. It builds up the team more. I would try to make it at least once a month. It does not cost that much.

Another good news: we get to go home early on a Halloween day! That’s cool! Kind of unexpected, but cool. I am going to leave soon, it’s 5PM now.
I have an interesting project. They want to do a messaging system. A system that would be used by almost all of the projects that the company has. In a way, it a universal, shared logger. I think it’s a good idea, and I think it’s going to be a good project for me. I get to do what I want — I hope I’m not going to be constrained.
I learned the meaning of the word “gripe.” It means complaigns. It means to complaign. “Gripes in the workplace,” that’s the theme of our next Toastmasters meeting. What is my inspirational message going to be? Not sure.
Fabian had a pretty rought night last night. I woke up to him because he was ready to cry. What did he do? He smiled to me. And kept smiling. What a sweet boy. He went to sleep earlier, at around 7PM because he had a shot. His leg got swollen. Oh, I hate to see him in pain. Not good.

Finally something positive at work. Today, when my manager asked me how I’m doing on the search project, I told him the truth. I told him that I want to off search. I want to build staff from scratch. That’s what I like to to and what I think I’m good at. He gave me an interesting response.
He said that for the next few months, things are going to slow down for search. He said that after some time, he might give me a new project. For now, he gave me an intesting idea/project to develop.
He wants me to think about, create a design doc, on how to have a messaging system where the status of each application would be displayed. Inside, you could create notifications, etc. I could use the search project as an example. It’s definetely someething to think about.
The good thing in all of this shows that he cares about me. It’s good that he asked me what I want to do. I need to keep him in the loop more.

I knew something was cooking… The guy from IBM quit today. This place is going bust. Mark is saying he is going to leave next week. Oh, man, it must be tough being a manager…
So do I still want to be a manager? Good question. Of course. It’s the end result of bad management that people leave. They leave because usually they don’t like the manager.
I think I’m improving in my communication skills. I am doing a better job at mainating eye contact. It’s improving. I have to be able to tell good stories. My english has to improve as well. But it will happen. I know it will. I am determined.
I was ready to send an email to my manager about my position today. I don’t want to do that. I think I’ll wait for a couple of days.
The topic at Toastmasters is Retirement. I’m going to talk about the compund interest.