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It’s a big day for my son today. He is going for a test, a cardio test. It will be interesting to see and maybe get an answer to a question whether he can play on a competitive level. I hope he can. I am worried about him a bit. He can play soccer. I can see that. I can see improvement. I don’t want chest pain or heart problems to slow it down. But that can happen. That might slow down or ruin his playing career. I hope it doesn’t happen, but anything can happen.

This not knowing is really killing me. It is adding to the anxiety. But we need to get to the bottom of this. It’s better to know than be in the doubt.

Fabian’s health is starting to worry me. We had an early game yesterday at Glen Rock. Towards the end of the game, he said he has chest pain. This is now being repeated several times in the past few weeks. The most recent before that was in school. Could it be a bad stenosis? Or is it caused by cough? Or perhaps they are caused by growing heart muscle? All are options. I really hope it’s not heart related. That could end his playing career. One pediatric cardiologist cleared him so I think his heart should be fine, but we will know more this Wed where we go for a stress test. We might be able to ask questions there.  

My son has bicuspid aortic valve. It’s a common heart condition. 1 to 2% of population has it. It’s a large number. But my wife is worried. He lost a bit of a temper last yesterday. 

I think these things should be done carefully and slowly. No rushing.

But that’s not the way my wife works.

We have a cardio opinion that says he can play. From a bit of reading that I did, dilation can increase over time and another condition develop. As far I as understand, he is good to practice. 

Getting a 2nd opinion should help. I am not against it. But does she have to travel to NY for it?

I could be more understanding. That’s where I need to improve. But I have my limits as well.

Exciting stuff going on with my son. He started playing for NJ Heat! Fabian is always a bit timid at the beginning. He doesn’t really want to “jump in” and interact and play with other kids. It’s just not him. But after I nudge him a little, he really likes it and does well.

That’s exactly what happened this weekend. On Saturday, we had a 5v5 in Rutgers prep. Kind of far, to be honest. But we went and he had a blast. He gained some confidence. He worked on a few skills. But the one thing I liked the most is that he hustled and had fun. On Sunday, before the game, Fabian didn’t really want to play. He was saying that he doesn’t want to, that he wants to figure out how they play. Eventually he got rid of that feeling. He decided that he’ll play after I bought him new shoes.

At the game, he started on the bench. Understandable. Coach doesn’t know him. He then started in midfield. I could see him hustle, try to win balls, have a few runs. OK performance. But our defense was shaky. We were losing a lot of balls and the opposing team was better. He then switched Fabian to defense. And I think he found a sweet spot. Fabian had a killer performance. He hustled like I rarely see him. He was almost un-passable. Aggressive as well. That was something to see. 

My son is playing soccer. He’s getting better. He gets praised a lot by his coaches. But he’s not there yet. He’s not ready for the A team or some better teams. I think he’s just not mature enough. So what should we do? Should we get him more training? Should we allow him to play with better players, on a better team?

We’re toying with that. Nj Heat FC is such a club that would give him more opportunities to practice and play. If he’s good enough to play. 

I thought the club is closed for Fall. But after I inquired yesterday, there appear to be an opening or two on the team. I will take it, I think. Still waiting for details to come my way, and if it’s not to expensive to start with, I think I will take it. I know it gets expensive when you look at it as a whole.

If he plays on the team, he has a better chance to get better and make the A team in Glen Rock. That is the overall goal.

Lately, I’ve been negative at work. I should say yesterday. It’s not a thing. It’s not normal. But there are a few things that are pushing in that direction. First, I had a bad Sunday at home. I wrote about it yesterday. Two, there are issues at work that need to be addressed. Some of it are easy to address, like, why are things failing, and some of them are not so easy, like, performance issues. I have to do the best I can. I need to stay positive and things will turn out good.

I’ve had enough of my wife’s screaming in our house. Really. I’ve had enough. I will not accept them any more. There are other, better ways of handling critical “I don’t like” it situations. Screaming is not one of them and I’ve made it known to my wife.

But she has those outbreaks from time to time. I don’t think she can control it. We might need to help her. We might need to support her. We might need to do things differently so those things don’t happen. That would be nice. That would make it better. But even with that, screaming like that is not acceptable.

I’ve made that clear to my wife. I’ve raised my voice and objected to that behaviour.

What drove me to that? She mentioned some party at D. Right away, she brought back the behaviour from NH that I apologized. She said she can “spit” on me. That made me feel upset. Why bring those issues from a year ago? Why? Perhaps one year is not enough, but I know for sure that bringing everything over and over is only adding fuel to the fire.

I did not feel good yesterday. We are starting on a new epic and don’t know what to work on. Not a good situation to be in. Some of these decisions have to be flushed out ahead of time, before we start working on it. Otherwise, we are going to build a wrong product that people will not be happy about.

We had some guys on the team that did not have anything to do. That is also not the best place to be in.

Because of the situation we’re in, I think it was wise to put us as a backup of swat. Makes sense. We have a big bidder fire going on. Makes sense to put more people on it. That’s what happened.

By coincidence, we might have actually solved the issue. Just by talking about it. Better late than never. But I should have known. I should have let others know. Sometimes the little things, things we say “no way” are the things that is “it.”

Mornings are not good for me lately. I’ve been tired. I’ve been putting off reading. I’ve been lazy, to be honest. I need my motivational energy back. I used to get that a lot when I was writing and rewriting goals. I stopped that. I need to get back to that. I want to write it at least 5 days a week, 6 is possible. I want to make that my goal. If I can’t do it at night, I will do it in the morning, first thing. More time wasted in the morning? Perhaps, but this should get me in the mode of actually writing it at night.

Start pushing harder. Harder to learn. Harder to exercise.  It’s time to be more disciplined. That applies to me and to my team.

I waste a good amount in the morning. Time to minimize that. I eat a lot when I get home. Change that to do something else. And to really not watch tv before 9. Yes, no tv before 9pm everyday. Find things to do with kids, read to them, spend time.

Quality is not an option. I expect people to do quality work, to have tests written for the code. 

And working software. That’s quality and gtd in one.