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Working hard is not easy. It requires dedication, motivation, willingness. That’s why it’s the road less traveled. But those that do travel it, gain an advantage. Extra time put into study and practice pays off later. Pays off in knowledge gained. There is no question about that.

Team mtg presentations still give me a bit of a scare. But that’s good. It’s good to have that extra pressure. It provides valuable experience as well as motivation to do a good job. There is not much better than that.

I force others to do it mainly because we want to be in a learning state. Learning is high on my list. It’s high on team’s priorities. It will continue as long as I’m in charge.

Results will speak for themselves. That’s the bottom line. I can argue in favor of things, I can lobby for things, but at the end the real question is: how much have you delivered.

My team has been delivering. I feel that we’re accomplishing a lot. I hear that as well. If that is not going to be acknowledged for some political reason, then that’s too bad. And I will not play those politics. I try to stay away from them. But I am hoping that does not happen.

I do have a sharp shooting knife that sometimes might be too much to handle. It’s my tongue and my writings. That happened last week. That was the first time I almost got yelled out by my manager. It wasn’t a good feeling. But I felt I was standing up for something. I am not going to back out when I feel something is right. I should chose a better way, perhaps, but I should stand up for the things I believe are right.

A new resolve: waking up at 5:30 (for now) and heading straight down to take a shower (with an optional check news and email before that, with the condition that it has to be standing).

First day, checked off. If this works well, I could get at least a pomo before I head to work.

I said it many times, my advantage vs others guys is putting the extra time in learning. I also have to put extra time towards practice. 

I still need to improve my architecture skills. Lots to learn, lots to experiment. Lots to practice.

I have the time. I just have to start utilizing it better.

My team is doing well. It’s not perfect and adjustments need to be made all the time, but I am happy the way we work as a team. 

Sometimes I wonder… am I being to pushy, too bossy?

It’s hard to say. I keep asking my guys for feedback and I get positive opinions. So it’s hard to say. Possible, but on the other side, i feel like I’m not getting what I need, so I need to make adjustments.

We’re making changes and we’re still on the same page, so it’s all good.

Improvements made. Things are getting better. I am still slowed down a bit in the morning, but it’s not as bad as before. I am able to write for a few minutes. And that is really beneficial.  At least I’m making progress. I still have to have more discipline to head straight down. No stopping for email. Straight down. I think I can handle that, right? Will try that tomorrow and Monday.

It looks like we might be heading to Ithaca on Fri. If not, perhaps we will go to Lake Minnewaska. Oh, I remember now, we’d have to go there early otherwise they close it down. 

My habits are throwing me on a side. I’m losing my edge. I am losing my advantage. That can go on only for so long.

Where do I want to go from here?

Where am I going to arrive?

List of questions that eventually I will have no answers is long.

Let’s be honest: the road less traveled is filled with effort, sweat, and determination. Am I motivated to do it?

Finally, after 2 months or so, my house is free again: my mother in law went back to Poland. Nothing big, as she did help out here, but my computer room is in the basement, so for the past 2 months I have not had access to the computer. I skipped collecting a pomo in the am, I skipped writing the journal at night and in the morning. My cycle was interrupted, to say the least.

But now I am back.

I am waking up at 5:30 in the am. I will head down to take a shower without stopping. I noticed that once I stop, I spend half an hour or so reading and wasting time. If I need to, I will do that standing. But ideally I would just head down. From 5:30, there is not a lot of time left.

There are a few cleanup items I need to take care of. Few minor things. But other than that, I should regain my feedback, reflection and learning time back.

One sentence can ruin one’s motivation. That’s what Yuva did yesterday when he said A1 has never had a swat sprint of 10 closed issues or less. To me quality over quantity. Quantity has to be there, but it’s not over quality. That’s the bottom line.

I am happy with the way we’ve worked. I’m seeing Thomas is taking things on his shoulders, working hard. Not always the most efficient way, but working hard is the most important step. If he does that, he will learn how to work effectively. At this point, I am happy with effort. One thing at a time.

Developing others is not a light switch. It’s a long-term process. Most of the time you are dealing with old time habits or developing new ones. That takes time.

Wickus is on fire in terms of effort. Can’t say enough of that. 

Jason said he does not want to be a lead anymore. Few others might be thinking about it. I know David said it at one point, though I’m not sure if that’s still the case.

Being a lead is a tough job.

Some people like it, some people can’t take it. It requires special skills.

I view it differently. 

I get motivation for it. I have grown over the years in how I perceive it. It’s not something I have to do. I am an OK engineer. I get stuff done. Nobody has to push me. 

Do I want to continue being a lead? I don’t see it any other way at this point. I think I’m helping people.