Category: Uncategorized

I am tired today. I had a busy day with the Feed loader project. It’s exausting trying to see if something works and then trying to get that debugged and so on. It’s something that is fun, though. I enjoy doing that.
One thing I don’t really enjoy is having to call people up. Follow up on things. I wonder why. Why can’t I just pick up the phone and call people? I should be doing that. I don’t have a problem calling people if I need something. Well, it debatable. But I do need to improve in this area, I think. It’s something that I need to do and something that is on my “improvement” list for some time.
Yesterday was 5/17/08 and we did it with my wife. It stayed inside. We’ll see if something comes out of it.
I just love my son Fabian. I love spending time with him. I took him to Corrado’s yesterday. He enjoyed it. I really enjoyed as well. I might take him to Walmart tonight. It’s lots of fun.

We went to Vermont for the Memorial Day weekend and had a really good time. Things were a bit better than usual. I had a very good time swimming at the pool. Not such a great time at sauna but good enough. The weather was beatiful. It was cold at night but beside the one night we hanged out, we mostly stayed inside. Woodstock is a nice town, a bit far away, but still a great place to go when visiting Killington.
My wife and I argued a bit. She just keeps calling me names. It’s hard for me to stay cool. But I do. I am stronger than her and I do not need to match her intensity. I don’t want to call her names. I cannot go to the level like that. But how do I stay cool? How do I make her understand that I don’t want to put up with that? I had a conversation with her and we agreed that we don’t want to continue on that path.
I don’t see myself with somebody else. I love her. I want to stay with my wife and I don’t want to look for options. But we have to be going in a right direction. We have to find that path and keep getting rid of rocks, keep clearing the path. That’s the only way we can get to our destination.

I am having some hard time with my wife. At times, this is really hard. I really don’t know what I should do. I try to love her, have respect, and just have fun with her but she is making this process very painful and stressful. It’s almost begs a question? What’s our future together. Really, she just has a hard time accepting that I might be enjoying doing something when she’s not happy. She need to make my life miserable as well. I was watching some TV yesterday and she just came over and started shouting. She yells at me quite often. I really don’t like that. If I make a mistake, it’s a huge thing. She just cannot accept something. Does she love me? I don’t do that to her.
I am not giving up but I’m trying to find ways out of this problem. How do I solve it? How do I make sure she gets better? I have tried many things but nothing seems to work really well. I don’t know, but I might have to inflict some pain on both of us. I am thinking of coming in late for a week at 8PM or so every day. Or even later. Another potential solution is to delay purchasing some big stuff until end of the month and only do it if she earned it.

I have to start going to the gym. I am noticing a sensation for sweets lately. I also noticed that I have a somewhat of a belly. I will have to go to the gym on Saturdays. I pay for it. Why not use it? I like myself when I’m somewhat skinny. I don’t like to carry additional baggage. It seems like I have that baggage right now. I have to stop eating sweets as well. Why am I doing it? When stuff lies around, I tend to grab it. It’s a deficiency that I have. I don’t know what it is about me, but I just cannot tell myself “no.”
My wife is having a hard time at work. She started work for 2 weeks and yesterday she came out really burned out. She was stressed and yelled at me for making sill mistakes. Yes, they were mistakes, but she made them much bigger.
But I did not help her. She yelled/scremed/called names/etc but I just argued with her. I cannot do that. Nobody wins. It’s her fault, and she knows that, but I have to take it well and I should not care if I am being belitled. I have to ask her what I can do to help. I have to just keep quiet. And if that does not help, I have to warn her that I will leave the house. If she continues, I will just go to B&N for an hour or so. I have to try this technique.
I cannot make things worse as they already are.
But why is she so struggling at work. She’s with my son and he does not want to sleep and eat there. She worries a lot. Then she has to let him play alone and take care of the children. It’s tough on her. I should know that.

I love to learn. I love to read. Today, I had my book knowledge tested. I interviewed a CSS guy. Most of my knowledge was based on stylin’ with CSS. I learned a lot from this book. I asked some questions that were fairly standard if you live in this world, but he could not really answer them.
But I did retain a lot from this book. But how?
By taking notes, by reviewing, by writing a book review. Yes, these are the things I have to do for every book that I read. I just have to take the time right after I read a chapter and write a short review. Also, if I find something really interesting, I should write it down. This will give me material to blog about. There is so many good books that I read and then I forget too much stuff. I don’t retain enough. So a lot of knowledge is lost. That’s a waste of my time and a waste of opportunity to improve. I know I can do better and I will do better.

This year’s allergy season was not as bad as in previuos years. Yes, I suffered a few days. But I did not have to take any days off. Plus, the struggles were not that bad. I think the best solution I have so far is to take Benedryl a couple of times a day, as required, and then if I need something stroner, then I should take Claritin. I bought some Zyrtec but I don’t think it works the best.
We’re at the point here at work, that we see a storm ahead but at this point we have nothing to do. We’re waiting on some final definitions of things. We don’t have them yet and there is not much we can do until we have them. I am struggling on keeping up with work and dev related stuff. I did play around with some PHP for kacwin, but then I also spent some time reading news and stuff. It was not that bad, actually. So yes, that’s what I should be doing. First, see if there is some work-related stuff I need to do. If I can do some self-help stuff, then I should do that. I shall always find something in that category. I should prepare and have a list of stuff I want to do. I need to have a list of things that I want to learn, a list of articles to read, etc.
I had a problem in the morning today. I am not sure which book to read next. I don’t really know what I should learn. I should picks something that’s dev oriented. Should I pick jQuery book? I suppose I could.

I think I’m starting to like this place more and more. People are more communicative here. People may not be as technical as some other places I’ve been, but that’s not really what I’m looking for.
The types of stuff I’m doing is exciting as well. It’s like working on my own website. I love that stuff. Not too tecnical. A bit crazy with unearthly expectations, but I don’t think it’s that bad. Much more relaxed over here anyway.
With plans to move to a new location with some cool perks like gym and cafeteria, this should be a good place to stay. Hopefully I can stay past that and hopefully things will only get better. I sure hope so.

I am a shy guy. I had a chance to talk to a girl today. A girl that I see every day and that I don’t even know by name. She’s a nice girl as well.
So what happened? She takes the same train from Garfield to Hoboken. I see her almost every day. Then she takes the same path from Hoboken to 33rd! And today she sat next to me! Opportunity knocking? I think so.
But things are not so easy. We’re in a subway. There are a lot of people. The situation is not ideal. I don’t want to seem too agressive, or seem like I’m stalking her. But on the other hand, I don’t want to seem ingnorant. I would like to know her name, where she works, etc. It would be nice to give her a compliment sometimes, or just to talk to her. Nothing else. I am not seeking a relationship. I am just seeking someone that I could talk to. Just to make my ride more interesting.
So what should I do? How should I meet new people on the train/path? Good question.
I could try to sit next to her on NJTransit. It’s much easier to talk on that train. But what do I ask somebody? I could ask some rhetorical question. Alternatively, I could ask “Oh, I see you every day. Where do you work?”
There are no real good questions to ask. But either way, I should be able to find new guys/girls that I can talk to. Whether they’ll become my friends or a bit closer, that’s another story. But that’s not the point. The point is that I should be able to open up a bit more.

I had one of those days that I basically did not do anything. It’s not because of me. It’s just that we did no have much to do. Did I revert back to my old ways of reading news and sports? Not really. I actually did the right thing today. I did read up on some tech blogs and then I started working on the issue I’m trying to resolve with NaSpiszu. I did wait until after lunch for doing this, but nonetheles, I was motivated enough and started doing that instead of wasting my time on other things.
Things will speed up in the weeks and months to come. We are going to launch a new site in the summer, and there is a lot of things that need to be done. A lot of it is not going to be that difficult, but still.
I am thinking of becoming a president for a new toastmasters club. Do I have the time? Probably not. Do I want to do it? Absolutely. But it’s going to be a big struggle. We don’t have too many members and even they are not very enthusiastic. I basically have to start everything from scratch. But I believe it’s doable. I believe we can have quick late night meetings. What do I got to lose? At the most, we go ahead and try for a few months. If it doesn’t work, we’ll have to just give up.

I noticed that I have not been reading much at work lately. I think I should find ways in which I can really help my career. I don’t know why but I am occupied by news and sports. It’s grabbing my attention. I don’t want that. I want to really focus on work-related stuff but at the same time spend 20-30% of my time on personal development. Otherwise, I am not going to become better. I am not going to feel confident and eventually I’ll probably lose it.
C’mon stas. Focus, focus, focus. Yes, polish news is important and exciting. Yes, Knicks finally might get exciting. But I can read about them at work. I can read about these things at home. And I already do!
It seems like I am spending too much time on that. I don’t want that. Too much news is not that useful anyway. Wasted time is wasted opportunity to get better.
I also have to work on my social skills. I need to develop a network of friends, a network of professional guys. I need to be able to just call people during the day. I just need to more spontanious and call guys on a weekend and orginize something. I cannot just rely on my wife. The problem and challenge with that? I have never been able to do that. This is really a big challenge for me. But I need to change that. I need to free myself a bit sometimes.