Blog

Am I getting tired of my place? Sometimes. It feels like I’ve had it. But then there are cases when it’s different.

I really enjoy being a lead. I enjoy teaching. I enjoy pushing people. I enjoy asking for a lot.

And I usually get what I ask for. 

I’ve changed as a lead as well. It’s not longer something I fear. It’s something I look forward to. I enjoy that part. I am also learning, asking for feedback. That is a good way to improve and to listen.

Listening is important. Probably the most important part. That’s how I can stay connected and provide guidance.  That’s how I can influence. It’s really powerful. And that’s also how I can improve and get better. Really valuable stuff.

I was requested to do a thorough job of planning the epic. I need to include my team members and we will split out the epic into individual PBIs. 

So I worked on trying to understand what’s going on and how to resolve it. I spent a good chunk of yesterday doing that. 

It was a good learning exercise. 

This is a good learning exercise. I am forced into new waters. I am forced to plan big. I am forced to spread the knowledge to others. I think all of those are good things. Me doing a few things that I’m not comfortable is a good thing. 

Learning is a good thing. Stretching my mind is a good thing.

I guess I can come across as tough. Sometime I have to watch my tongue.

But I have good intentions. I love what I do. I love my team. 

Lately, my writing has suffered. Motivation is loosening. I am tired at the end of the day. Perhaps I should switch to writing at night? I have my laptop upstairs. I should consider that. I could spend 10 minutes writing either after or before I go downstairs to clean up.

I shall try to. That should work on a weekend as well. 

I am getting good results as a team lead. What am doing that works? What do I need to to more of?

I need to keep learning, keep adjusting, that’s for sure.

I need to keep up the pressure on the under performers. For now, D is under performing.  He’s giving me good responses and it seems like he cares, but I’m not seeing that in results/output. I will need to step up the pressure and keep it high.

I guess I need to fail a few more times to learn. Time. My wife. Those things don’t match. But I act as if I did not see that. That has to change. Because we all suffer as a result. 

So yesterday we went to B&N. My sons and I. We were expected to be home at around 12:30. However, my son wanted to buy a gift card for his friend’s birthday.  So we were a little late. We can home at 12:50. A bit late considering the party starts at 1pm. But my wife was not ready either! So we take another 10mins. So we leave at 1pm for a 1pm party. And we argue big time in the car. I get a little emotional. So gets very defensive. But she never admits doing wrong, or thinking that she could have done better. As even if we came at that time, we still would have time to get there on time, if she had been ready.

Same thing on Saturday. We had an apt at 7pm. We get there at 8. We get seated close to 9pm for a big steak dinner!

But as my mantra goes. It’s not what I can change at the other hand, it’s what I can change. I can take a bit more leadership on the subject. I know the issues. I can anticipate them.

It has come to my attention that we’ll be doing performance reviews. Seemed like we were delayed. I expected some bad news. Did we get bad news? I think so. 95% company factor. Yes. a 5% cut. Not the end of the world. But also not great. I’ll live. We’ll see tomorrow how much material impact it will have.

I was recognized recently. They want to proceed with adding another team under me. I am not against it, but it will require more of my time to manage it. I am not sure if I will like that. It might be stretch. A challenge for sure. But it might also be a positive thing. So I agreed. Since we are struggling to find good people that might take a while.

Why am I allowing myself to be more motivated?

Why?

Is it because I am lazy? Part of it.

Is it because I am tired? Part of it.

Perhaps I can find a balance, set some rules. I like to go to sleep before 10pm. Perhaps I should respect that and acknowledge that I will be tired after 9. So I should go downstairs between 9:15 and 9:30. I should not be that tired at that time. 

And what will I do in that time? Write some goals. Read my journal 10 and 5 years ago (wow, it’s been that long). 5 to 10 minutes altogether. I think I will find more motivation if I do that.

Can I do that? I think so.

Sometimes I get out of hand. Yesterday, my son drove me outside of my comfortable zone. I had it. I had to do something. But I went over board. I yelled and took them by force. Not a lot but enough for them to feel uncomfortable. 

It was a necessary overreaction. Victor seems to be the one instigating these scenarios. I am losing patience with him as well. But he’s a good boy. He’s going to get better, I know it. I know it because he acts like me in a lot of ways.

It is really hard to find a way where they will respect us and do what we ask of them. We’re trying to raise them so they are independent, mature and accomplish what they want. We are going to do our best.

Digging, digging, digging. That’s how I solve problems. That’s how I get things going. I’ve been trying to teach that mentality to my guys. That is the only way to work. Not going to change that. One thing is certain, dedication is key. You’ve got to be motivated to look around to find issues. Look at hints.

I’ve had success with that technique. Is it the best? Probably not. Is it wasteful. Probably. Can I learn from it? Yes! So it’s got a little bit of everything. And that’s probably why it’s not being tried too much.

I received some good news yesterday. I got offered another leadership opportunity. They want me to lead another team. But that will be my secondary team. They recognized that I do things differently. They recognize that I grow teams, that I mentor them, challenge them.

I am really glad they see that. I always knew that I had that. I can spark that in others. I can have them work harder, get more results.

It will be more challenging to me. Because I will be involved… more. But that might be ok because this new setup should allow me to offload.