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I feel that I’m stupid a lot of times. I can’t think very fast. I get stuck. 

Have I gone too far? Am I getting smarter or stupider?

Good question. I don’t know.

Overall, I think I am getting smarter. I am getting more controlled. I am getting more open, less nervous. I do think I am getting better.

So why don’t I get these complex things. What do I need to change?

I know  a few things I need to improve.

I know a few skills I have that others don’t.

I am better at some things, and worse at others.

Let’s leave it at that. The takeaway is that I will do more practicing drawing. I need to get better than that. That’s a great way to explain things. I need to sharpen my “quick thinking” skills. 

But some things I will not be able to change. Some things will remain the same. I will be myself and I can’t change that. If it does become bad, than what I might change is the company, but I’m hoping that doesn’t happen.

I yesterday I learned that I received a raise! Base increased by a small amount, 2.5K. But the bonus increased by a lot, by 8.5K. So overall, I got a raise of 7.25%. Not bad if you ask me. Could be better, but overall I’m happy with it. 

I am having a hard time teaching math to  my son. He just doesn’t give the effort I expect from him. That frustrates me. I raise my voice sometimes. That upsets my wife and my son. I need to find a better way to deal with that. He is my son. I need to all that is required and all that is in my power to help him. I can’t make him perfect. But I can make him better than he is. I can help him do better. He is my son and I will always love him the way he is, no matter what he turns out to.

I learned a while ago that January is the coldest year of the month. I always thought it was February. First half of the month, it was nice and warm. Last couple of days have been extremely cold. Today it should be 21/11. That’s some cold! That has to be one of the coldest days in the past few years! I should do some research on that.

Who do I want to be as a team lead? I held my first meeting yesterday. I get a bit nervous. I put too much stress on myself. I have to take it easy. I have to learn how to deal with stress and maintain confidence and eye contact.

I introduced 3 key goals for the team: Q L G

Quality, Learning, and GTD

I am getting a little worried. My wife just cannot take the pressure of her brother coming over. She hates the train.

Can anything be done?

It’s hard to say. On a day like today, where my motivation is lacking, I don’t think so. At least it’s not worth it, I think. I will look for 3-ple pan windows. But most likely they will cost a lot more. Putting indow windows is a cost of $400 per window. Not cheap. And putting only 2 will most likely help just a little bit. I mean, are we going to sleep with the door closed?

So things get a bit murky. On one hand, I don’t want to sell the house. And on the other, I would want to live somewhere else, somewhere more quiet, more peaceful.

My wife also has a pain in her stomach. What can it be? I need to do some research to find out.

Ever since I became a team lead I got a new sense of urgency, a new sense of excitement. I am excited!

That tells me a few things… I think I was made for lead position. It’s a right fit for me. I will work hard to prove that. 

But there are a few things I need to improve right away: eye contact. Yesteday, during the presentation, I kept looking at Yuva and nobody else. I need to turn around, look at somebody else. I can’t just look at one person. 

I need to relax when I speak. I will have more opportunities to do so.

A1 – B1

I am better at taking notes lately. Any time I learn something at work, I try to take notes and put it in my personal blog. That is helping me. I want to continue doing that. That also puts focus on learning to remember.

Learning better is my initiative. I’m OK with learning less but more. I’m OK with spening more time on a subject so I can better understand it. In fact, that’s what I need to be doing.

I need to be clear and honest. If I’m not learning, I’m sliding. My memory is weak. I know that. That’s why I have to constantly refresh my memory. 

Feature teams rule in a scrum, agile environment. I learned that yesterday and over the course of the whole year. Why? Because one team can take a project/idea from inception to delivery. That’s a key difference.

I started to like this development approach. I think it has its good points. Has some bad ones as well, but overall I think it’s a positive.

I officially became a team lead yesterday. Excited for the challenges ahead. Lots of learning ahead. I have to step it up. I have to improve my drawing skills. I have to improve my learning style so I learn on a deeper level. I have to learn how to be a good technical leader. I have to… try and try.

Try until you fail… then try again.

I learned today, again, that I can waste time easily. Really easy. And that defeats the purpose of me waking up.

I will stop that.

I wake up at 5:20am in the morning during the weekday. Then a lot of times I am at the shower after 6! Almost 40 minutes wasted reading and going on the internet.

I get the urge of checking what’s going on in the morning. But I want to give myself up to 10 minutes. No more than that. At 5:30 I want to be taking a show. And absolutely no internet. That will stop starting from today.

I really have a lot of things to learn. I have a new sense of urgency of what I need to learn. Peer reviews. New book Drive. There are others.

I have a lot of things I need to write.

Really, there is no time to waste.