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I recently received an email from someone asking me why I stopped writing for the Polska z Ameryki blog. True. I did stop. My last post was more than a year ago. I should get into writing and updating that blog again.

Even if it is for the purpose of just improving my writing. Even for that I should write.

As for learning, I need to learn at a level that I can remember. My memory is short. I lose critical information easily. So I need to repeat. I need to take it in on my own level. I need to learn till I get it. I need to rewrite it. I need to redraw it. 

That’s how I’m going to get it. Being a team lead has its own responsibilities. The most important one is that I am at a high technical level. 

After being at m6d for over 2 years, I am being promoted to a team lead! I think this is big. This is as big as it gets.

I am excited. Not crazy excited, but excited. I get to lead. Again. I think I’m a leader and I can help others. I can push others as well so that they get better. I think this is going to be a pretty big thing in the next year.

2013 is shaping up to be a great year! Love that.

As with anything, there are risks. I don’t completely understand the systems. I need to get on top of that. I really need to “get it.”

I think I was due. I was due for this. It’s been over 4 years since I last held a team lead position. I have to approach it a bit differently this time. I have to take it easy. I don’t want to skimp on praise. I want to add some constructive criticism, but I have to be careful. When in doubt, I have to stay away from it.

This opens up quite a few interesting possibilities and learnings for me. Risks as well. We’ll see.

Am I up to the task? We’ll see!

I teach a math kangaroo class every Saturday. I have a smart boy in class. He loves math. But he doesn’t know every problem. I need to explain things to him slowly. Sometimes I have to do it over. But he picks it up.

My son is also in that class. He doesn’t understand a lot. He’s only in the 1st grade. I’ll let him slide.

But when I teach him, I sometimes lose my cool. I raise my voice. I yell at him. I make expressions, etc. Do I do that with Eryk in class? No! So I am treating my son worse than the boy in class? Apparently. I need to stop that. I need to explain things slowly to my son. I need to do it over if need to. And over. Until he gets it. 

Hard work pays off. All the time. No question about it.

Yesterday I was debugging an issue with a script we wrote. I kept looking at it. I kept trying to find something wrong. Finally I got back to basics. And guess what. That’s where I noticed issues. 

It all boils down to hard work. Hard work gets results. Slacking off kills time.

There are good days in everyone’s life, when we think we’re on top of the world, when I think I am a special guy. When I think I have all the talent in the world.

Those are the good days.

And then I have bad days. When things don’t work. When things don’t get into my head. When I’m frustrated. When I think I’m stupid.

Those are days that I want to end. But they linger.

And then there are the normal days. Neither good or bad. I had such a day yesterday. Felt good, confident, tried to contribute.

Learning out of this is that I am who I am. I am special. With its faults. With its good parts. There is no reason to down myself. There is no reason to uplift myself. I know my biggest strenght is hard work. With hard work, I can accomplish a lot. Anything I want, actually.

I am learning that I am getting tired too often. Too much. Too early. 

Sometimes it is legit. After a full day of work, I really feel tired. Like after we come from vacation and I need to adjust my waking up time. Yes, I am tired that time and I have a legit reason. 

Other times, I do not have a legit reason. Like on a Saturday evening, when my wife asks me to watch a movie with her, I fall asleep right away. She’s not being fair to me when she complains, but that’s besides the point. I should have a way to have more energy, to be more alive, to spend a nice time together.

That’s commitment. And I can pay for it. Even if that means waking up later the next day.

Another thing I want to do is to have more energy around my kids. I need to do that. I need to show them things. I need to play with them a bit more. Being silly with them. Whathever makes them happy.

I learned that caring about friends and family is not optional. It’s something that I have to do constantly.

I have not been doing that.

All my life, I have been this lonely guy. As a result, I don’t really know how to talk.

Perhaps it’s who I am. I don’t want to look for excuses.

But I do want to change. I want to find a better medium. I want to improve and have better relationships with my friends, and with my family.

One way I can do that is through caring about them. And how do I do that? By staying in touch. And how do I do that? By picking up the phone and calling them. Simple.

There is also another thing that I love lately. It’s trello. It’s a great system for revising ideas. One of the boards that I have is “lfelong goals.” Through revisions, I can have good focus on them. It’s a much better system than non-stop emails. LOve it.

I had a great learning experience over the holiday week. 

First, I am learnng to snowboard! It’s exciting. Even though I fall pretty much all the time, it is still fun! I want to continue my journey and keep learning!

My son also started to learn. For his first time, it wasn’t that bad. He gave up after a while, but overall, he did well. I hope he goes with me again.

I also learned that staying away from negative people is the way to go. My wife and I had some bad experiences over the break. We damaged our relationship. I think I was able to repair it and perhaps make it stronger, but still it is going to linger. But D is such a negative person. She just waited for the morment to strike. She waited for the moment to kill. And then it happened. And it hurt my wife.

D is also a party pooper. She complaigned about my music. She was sitting on the couch for most of the night. 

Bottom line, never again we are going to go with D on such a trip. And if possible, I want to limit my interactions with them.

Yelling is not a good way to resolve my differences, I learned the other day. I really don’t like when my wife is judgemental. She’s calling me names. And I get upset. How do I react? By raising my voice, by losing control. I react the way I should not!  In those situations, I should calmly but firmly say that I do not appreciate her calling me names.

I’m learning about peer reviews. It’s a great knowledge. Lots to learn. Lots to talk about. Yesteday, after we had decided that we want to go ahead with what the author of Peer Reviews in Software calls between level and level 2, I said we should go with level 3. Now I have to provide a convincing case that it should be done that way.

Anytime I do a new technology, I should do a deep dive. Dig deeper. Get a book. Expand my knowledge. That way, that knowledge will be much deeper.

I’m learning that drinking wisely is definitely a state of mind. It’s not focusing on drinking as much. It’s not putting drinking on top of the list that counts. 

Yesterday I had a first glimpse of that. I was drinking. But slowly. At the same time, I was eating and enjoying myself. In the old days, I would probably just think about drinking. And perhaps over do it. No longer the case. I am not looking for that anymore. I feel much better that way.

But I have to go through a real test. Many times in order for me to change. I don’t want to brag about it any more. I said enough. Promises were made. Now it’s time to deliver.